How to Have a Personal Relationship with Jesus: A Guide

No matter who you are, you’re surrounded by relationships. Friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances…they all play a part in our lives, for better or worse.

So you’re surely aware of a lot of the components involved in building and maintaining healthy relationships. Things like clear communication, realistic expectations, transparency, vulnerability, fun, laughter, connection, appreciation, collaboration, trust, etc.

Building a relationship with Jesus Christ (the very Creator of relationships!) involves the same components. It still takes focus, energy, effort, time, trust, etc.—even though the relationship itself looks a bit different since we don’t see and hear Jesus in the same way we do in our human-to-human relationships.

But a deep, fulfilling, personal relationship with Jesus is not only possible, it’s simple. He already wants this with you, and now is always the right time to start. So let’s look at some simple ways to do so. We’ll explore:

• The essence of Jesus (love)
• How to start a relationship with Him
• How to maintain a relationship with Him
• Things you can do to strengthen and grow this relationship
• Living with Jesus

Let’s begin with who Jesus is at His core, which helps us understand how we can draw closer to Him.

The essence of Jesus is love

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We don’t always know what someone is truly like when we first meet them, but thankfully, we know who Jesus really is, right from the start. He is love.

The Bible itself directly states that God is love (1 John 4:8), and God loves each one of us.¹ That means His every act, every word, every decision, every command and instruction is rooted in love because He is love.

But what does love even look like? How do we recognize it?

It helps if we first think about how Jesus died on the Cross for us, taking our place in bearing sin’s ultimate consequence—death (Romans 6:23).

In doing so, not only did He provide a way for every one of us to receive salvation through Him, but He also gave us the highest, most complete demonstration of His true, everlasting, unconditional love for us.

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (John 15:13, NKJV).

Love means putting the needs of others before your own. And 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 adds some specifics to what this looks like in day-to-day life.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends” (ESV).

When we are around these attributes, we know that we are near Jesus’ presence and influence. And when we exhibit these attributes, we are reflecting His image.

By deepening our understanding of the love of Jesus, we know that we can immediately trust Him with all of our words, feelings, dreams, and even our biggest questions and greatest fears.

That can make starting a relationship with Him feel easier and safer.

With that in mind, let’s talk about how to begin a close relationship with the One who has provided a face for this kind of love.

How to start a relationship with Jesus

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Even if we truly believe in God and His love, we might still feel a little uncertain about how to approach a relationship with Him. It does take a mental adjustment to comprehend a relationship with One who transcends us.

Additionally, if you’ve ever tried to build a new habit, you know that getting started can be the simplest thing to do in our thoughts, but one of the hardest things to do in practice.

Thankfully, the Christian journey to a relationship with Jesus actually doesn’t even begin with us—it begins with Him. And it’s already in the works.

Jesus wanted to be in a relationship with us so badly that He left heaven, took human form, lived a full life on earth (John 1:14; John 3:16-17), and died for our sins before returning to heaven (Luke 24:51).

Wanting to be in a relationship with us is where it all begins (Revelation 3:20). 1 John 4:10 says:

“Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he Loved us and sent His Son [Jesus] to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins” (CSB).

And when we realize that’s what Jesus still wants and will always want, we can start by opening our whole heart to Him and accepting His sacrifice on the Cross (Ephesians 5:2).

Having an open heart and mind is what affects how we experience Him. When we’re willing and actively searching for Him, we start to find glimpses of Him and His love. Sometimes in unexpected places.

While this beginning process will be unique for each person, some common places we can start to “see” God are:

• In nature (Job 12:7-10; Psalm 19:1; Romans 1:20)

• Through the Bible (Luke 24:27; John 1:14; John 5:39; 2 Timothy 3:16-17)
  • Especially when reading about the very words and actions of Jesus! (John 1:14, 18; Colossians 1:15, 19; Hebrews 1:1-3)

• Through daily life and circumstances (Acts 17:27-28; Romans 8:28, 38-39)

• Through others (Genesis 33:10; Genesis 41:38-39; Ephesians 2:19-22; Acts 4:13; 1 John 4:12)

• With open hearts, we can respond to God’s presence and desire for a relationship with us in the same way we would start a relationship with someone else—by simply talking.

We have to remember that Jesus is a person.² He’s divine and transcends us, but He also has character, feelings, and personality. We were created in His image (Genesis 1:27), so it makes sense that He, as our source, would have the same qualities of being a person that we have.

He’s also lived a human life (Hebrews 4:15), so He’s approachable and empathetic to our experiences. He gets us, even before we fully understand ourselves. All of this helps lay the groundwork for a growing relationship with Him. He truly is the best friend we could ever have.

So, as many relationships begin, we can also start this one with a simple greeting, “Hello.”

We can start with a question, “I really want to start a relationship with You. Will You help me?”

We can start with acknowledgement, “You are the living Savior that the Bible talks about.”

We can start with gratitude, “Thank You for Your love.”

We can start with a compliment, “The way You created the human body is the greatest expression of creativity I’ve ever seen.”

We can start with a desire, “Please show me who You are!”

We can even start with a need, “I’m having a hard time figuring out how I’m going to pay for tuition this year. Please help me!”

You don’t have to be poetic. You don’t have to try to sound intelligent or fancy. You can just be simple. No frills. He knows who you are, so be yourself!

The point isn’t so much what you say, but that you’re saying it to Jesus with the intention of getting to know Him better. And as you grow in your relationship with Him, your conversations with Him will also grow.

How to maintain a relationship with Jesus

At first, it might seem strange to maintain a relationship with someone whom you can’t see or hear in the same way you can a spouse, friend, sibling, coworker, etc. But that doesn’t mean we can’t see or hear Him…it just might be different than we expect.

As the Creator, everything has come from Him. So everything has the potential to reveal different parts of Him to us.

Yet one of the great elements about a relationship with Jesus is that He’s personal, meaning He communicates with each of us in ways that He knows we will recognize. For some, He might speak audibly, whether loudly or in a whisper, like He did to Elijah (1 Kings 19:11-13). For others, He might reveal Himself through nature, like He did to the actor Denzel Washington³ or to Moses (Exodus 34:5-8).

For you, He might speak as a strong mental impression, or through a good deed from someone that addresses a specific worry or need you had (Galatians 6:10). Or it could involve something else altogether that you’d never have expected or been able to plan for. But when you reach out for Him, He promises to respond (Matthew 7:7-8).

It’s also comforting to know that being perfect is not a requirement for being in a relationship with Jesus. Not only does He know that every single human being is corrupt and flawed, but He knows our very struggles, weaknesses, fears, and even the darkest parts of ourselves that are uncomfortable even to acknowledge. And He wants to be with us anyway.

We can use King David’s example in the Bible on how to maintain a relationship with Jesus. King David messed up a lot during his life. He was a murderer and an adulterer (2 Samuel 11), a liar and a fugitive (1 Samuel 21:10-13). But He was also “a man after [God’s] own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14, CSB).

What made him a man after God’s own heart was simply the fact that no matter what David did, good or bad, he always kept the lines of communication open with God. His ultimate desire was still to know God and to reflect His character, even if at times he did a terrible job at that. So he praised and worshiped God (Psalm 145, 2 Samuel 6:14), he asked for help (Psalm 69:16-18), and he repented (Psalm 51). The Psalms are full of different ways David made sure not to close himself off from God, no matter what happened.

So this is the key to maintaining a long-lasting relationship with Jesus—keep the lines of communication open.

Talk to Him, spend time with Him, read God’s Word (John 5:39; 2 Timothy 3:16).

There’s even more we can do, though, to strengthen that relationship.

Activities to help strengthen a relationship with Jesus

Remember that Jesus wants a relationship with us, so we don’t have to do all of the heavy lifting here. Even our desire to be in a relationship with Him comes from Him! Philippians 2:13 says, “For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (ESV).

Beyond prayer, devotionals, and Bible study, here are ten simple ways to strengthen your relationship with Jesus:

1. Seek Him first every day: Each morning, open your heart to Him and how He might communicate to you that day (Matthew 6:33). You can even ask Him to draw your attention to things He wants to talk to you about.

2. Speak spiritual truths aloud: There are so many promises of Jesus in the Bible that it can be hard to remember each of them. He promises to always strengthen us (Isaiah 40:31), give us rest (Matthew 11:28-29), and provide for every need we will ever have (Philippians 4:19), just to name a few. (For a more comprehensive list, check out God’s Promises in the Bible.)

   His promises are so abundant that sometimes it even feels like they must somehow be for someone else. So to help make them real to you, focus on some and speak them aloud. This can also help create new pathways in your brain so that you really know the promises are for you (Psalm 119:15; Romans 12:2)!⁴

3. Cultivate stillness and quiet in your life: It can be hard to focus on Jesus when noise and distraction surround us all the time. Be intentional about spending quiet time where you can just focus on the act of listening (Isaiah 30:15; Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7). Sometimes this is called meditation or mindfulness, but the point is that you’re listening for someone specific—Jesus—not just any voice or picture that happens to pop into your head. And the more you do this, the more you’ll recognize His presence and influence.

4. Look for opportunities to make Him smile: There are many opportunities throughout the day where we can demonstrate the character of Jesus (Philippians 2:5; 1 John 2:6). Here are just a few:
   • Being patient, or “slow to anger” (James 1:19, ESV)
   • Praying with or forgiving someone (1 Timothy 2:1-3; Luke 23:34)
   • Including someone who’s usually excluded (Luke 19:1-10; John 4:5-42)
   • Resolving a conflict using biblical principles (Matthew 18:15-17)
   • Reflecting the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), and other qualities that reflect God’s character (Colossians 3:8-17).

5. Practice gratitude: Here’s a fun, tangible activity you can try. At the end of the day, write down on a slip of paper one thing Jesus did for you that day. Place the slip of paper in a jar. Challenge yourself and do this for seven days straight. At the end of the seven days, empty the jar and read them to yourself during your quiet time with Jesus, reflecting on His love for you. Practicing gratitude is a great way to keep your mind focused more on Him (Colossians 3:1-2).

6. Offer your passions and talents to God: Whatever talent you have, ask Jesus to reveal a specific person or group to share that talent with. Whether it’s coaching, writing, singing, listening (yes, really, truly listening to someone can be a talent), dancing, designing—whatever talent you possess, share it with someone else. You might even teach it! This is a great opportunity to practice sacrificial giving.

7. Take pleasure in God’s creation: Go to a place outdoors where you can experience nature through your senses—sight, smell, taste, touch, sound. Focus on each sense, recognizing that all of these sensations were intentionally created for your enjoyment. Nature reflects Jesus’ creativity and beauty, and we can experience His presence in it (Psalm 104).

8. Strengthen your community: Identify a need in your community, whether at work, at church, in your neighborhood, or somewhere else. Do you have tools, resources, or skills that could positively affect that need? Go for it! Or, do you know someone else who can help fill a gap that you can’t? Make the connection! Communities are strongest when we feed them in loving ways (Galatians 6:2).

9. Journal: we’ve all heard about how journaling can impact mental health, but did you know it can strengthen your relationship with Jesus, too? Here’s a journal prompt to try:

   Write down aspects of Jesus’ character that you saw or experienced throughout your day. Some examples are:

   • Infinite (Colossians 1:17)
   • Consistent (Malachi 3:6)
   • Kind (Psalm 34:8)
   • Holy (Revelation 4:8)
   • Just (Deuteronomy 32:4)
   • Glorious (Habakkuk 3:4)
   • Wise (Romans 11:33)

   How does reflecting on His character make you feel? Jot that down, too.

10. Reduce media in your life: Yeah…this one might not be as easy as the others, but it can be just as rewarding. Check your device and see how much screen time you average per day. Now this isn’t talking about screen time that’s necessary for your job. This would be discretionary time. Are you spending more time on your phone that could be better spent with others, in prayer, or away from the couch? If you see an opportunity here, try redirecting some of that time and attention elsewhere.⁵

These are just a few suggestions—you can remove items from this list that don’t speak to you and even add items to the list that are more suited to your life and tastes. But a word of caution–Jesus doesn’t want your relationship with Him to be reduced to a list of tasks. Instead, He wants your whole heart, and through the power of the Holy Spirit, His love will be reflected in the way you live your life.

Living with Jesus

Photo by Caleb Oquendo

Starting a relationship with Jesus doesn’t have to be difficult or awkward, and you don’t have to feel like there’s a checklist to fulfill or a grade to receive. All this begins with accepting Jesus into your heart and choosing to spend time with Him (through prayer, Bible reading, observing life and nature, etc.).

Jesus instructs us, “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:4-5, ESV).

Adventist church co-founder Ellen G. White echoes this sentiment in her book, Steps to Christ: “The child cannot, by any anxiety or power of its own, add to its stature. No more can you, by anxiety or effort of yourself, secure spiritual growth.”⁶

So a relationship with Jesus simply begins with accepting Him.

Jesus is a perfect, divine, loving person who wants a relationship with us just like we want a relationship with Him. We might not pick up a phone to call or text Him, but we can speak to Him all the time. In fact, we don’t ever have to stop! We can leave the lines of communication open.

And as we grow with Him, He leads the way with unwavering intimacy and love. Spending time with Jesus can get sweeter and sweeter each and every day.

To learn even more about growing your relationship with Jesus,

Related Articles

1. John 3:16-17; Romans 5:8; 2 Peter 3:9; 1 John 4:19. [↵]
2. Nixon, Paul and Clarise Nixon, God Is A Person: Discovering God For Yourself (2021). [↵]
3. Denzel’s Divine Encounter: He Asked to See God’s Face, and What Happened Next Blew Him Away, CBN News Dec. 2, 2024. [↵]
4. Nixon, p. 135-137. [↵]
5. Nixon,  p. 84. [↵]
6. White, Ellen G., Steps to Christ. [↵]

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